Saturday, June 28, 2014

Well finally

Acceptance 2014- in June.  I had such intentions of writing more, tracking my thoughts and moods and progress but alas life got in the way.  So many good things now so I'm ok with that but want to be grateful and careful and not let my flaws get in the way.  Compared to the last few years 2014 is a miracle, a life safer, a pure gift from God, not perfect but oh so much better indeed. 

Relationships are being repaired the main one being my marriage.  That thing that was broken, oh so broken is now more like stained glass.  It is broken but being pieced back together.  It is a miracle.  I give in, he gives in and we meet in the middle.  I don't want to be broken and cut by shards of my life.  Some of these shards I cannot control but others I have limited control over.  Again with my control?  Damn- I need to stop with the control.  I control me and only me, I cannot and do not even deserve the right to make choices for other adults.  The fact is this:  I can agree or disagree with what they do and it doesn't matter.  People do what they do due to who they are at that point in time.  It never was and never will be about me.  Choices sure can impact my life though but it's my job to stop that from happening.

I am happy and so blessed.  I struggle at times to stay positive and to live sober and happy and taking care of only me.  I don't rock at that :)  Something's I totally rock- taking care of me is a work in progress.  So I run, I meditate, I do yoga, I strive to find my passion in things and I work on those.  I still do too much and don't allow myself down time...all one else makes this my reality.  So this means no one else can change it. 

On sobriety- almost 4 years since I have had a drink.  My drug of choice.  Words cannot accurately describe how wonderful that feels.  I have more to work on.  I still over work big time, I still self medicate with better stuff but substances none the less, I must protect my sobriety at all costs, trust the process and things will fall into place.  I want to help people stay sober now but at a loss as to how.  I never completed AA and the steps, never did anything other than stop the drinking  So how to help others?  I'm thinking on that one.  Please help me with ideas?  Please? 

I hope 2014 is the best year ever so far for you.

hugs and kisses and much love


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