tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32790141433388984982024-03-13T02:55:01.418-07:00Acceptance 2014Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-65668570463719265992014-07-05T16:52:00.001-07:002014-07-05T16:52:36.305-07:00She let go.
I found this today on Elephant Journal and fell in love...http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/02/she-let-go/<br />
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I did not write this and give complete credit to the source above and the author noted at the end. I just felt moved to share this.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></b> </div>
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
let go.<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go. Without a thought or a
word, she let go.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of the fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of the judgments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of the confluence of
opinions swarming around her head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of the committee of
indecision within her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of all the ‘right’
reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wholly and completely, without
hesitation or worry, she just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t ask anyone for advice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t read a book on how to let
go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t search the scriptures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of all of the memories
that held her back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of all of the anxiety
that kept her from moving forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She let go of the planning and all of
the calculations about how to do it just right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t promise to let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t journal about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t write the projected date
in her Day-Timer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She made no public announcement and
put no ad in the paper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t check the weather report
or read her daily horoscope.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t analyze whether she
should let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t call her friends to
discuss the matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual
Mind Treatment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t call the prayer line.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She didn’t utter one word.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No one was around when it happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There was no applause or
congratulations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No one thanked her or praised her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No one noticed a thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Like a leaf falling from a tree, she
just let go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There was no effort.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There was no struggle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was what it was, and it is just
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the space of letting go, she let
it all be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A small smile came over her face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A light breeze blew through her. And
the sun and the moon shone forevermore…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ <a href="http://www.lightworkersworld.com/2012/01/she-let-go-a-poem-by-rev-safire-rose/"><span style="color: blue;">Rev. Safire Rose</span></a></span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-51311787130167133052014-07-04T05:25:00.001-07:002014-07-04T08:35:14.268-07:00What to do? I feel off this week...up and down and all around and do not like this feeling. It's ok because I don't have to like it. <br />
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I am trying to make a big choice about a job change. Why? Many reasons; my current company has a lot of issues and while I am in a really good place the company overall is not. The company has a bad image in the community and not really sure it is getting any better. There needs to be a great deal of change and I am trying to assist with this change but feel perhaps I have reached the end of what I can do or am willing to do.<br />
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There is a job open at a company I used to work for. The job is not really what I love doing but it is certainly familiar to me. It would allow me to be at the same school as my daughter and take her to school everyday and most likely picking her up in the afternoons. This is a better company overall with opportunities to move and maybe move up if I wanted to. I might not want to move up anymore. Been there and done that and I think the non up jobs are simpler and would allow me more me time and more family time and that is the important thing. The move if I were offered it and took it feels like a move backwards but does that matter? Does is matter I won't have as voice in the company or does it matter that I can settle in, do my job and then live my life? I don't want to be here forever and this company will allow for transfers in the future. My current company will not- at least not places I would go. <br />
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Leaving feels like a betrayal. Current company has been good to me but in all fairness I have given back a lot to them as well and again it just sorta feels done, over, as if I have reached my limit on what I can do. Is this because it is so hard for me to settle and stay in one place? Current company has been my base company for about 14 years though I have had many, many other jobs during and around that. However in those years I have changed jobs many times and constantly look to change more. Why? Why can I not just be- just settle- just stop the change cycle. Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.<br />
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Surrender and acceptance- focus on this and all will be ok.<br />
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Love and live and be freeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-41005349958082012142014-06-30T21:00:00.001-07:002014-07-04T08:35:14.261-07:00Surrender is the word of the day (perhaps year)Ick is how I feel right now. Overall this year is so much better than the last few but is (as life is) still full of challenges. I hate being so impatient and reactive. There are some things that I am trying to make happen and by the nature of the issues it probably won't be immediate but damn I want it to be. I try, so very hard to cope with my anxiety and my feelings of impatience and needing to control but some days it gets the best of me. I am emotional and anxious and don't like it. <br />
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Life in general is good. My marriage is 110% better, my darling, darling girl is healthy and happy and that is really all that matters yet there is the other "stuff". The stuff that happens some in my control and some not but I try to make it all in my control. Bills are piling up and I am the only one working. This gets frustrating but in other ways it is so nice to have someone take care of me and the sweet girl. It is nice to have dinner ready and to be able to plan my hours and work when I want to and not around another schedule but then running out of money as soon as I am paid is not nice. I am trying to sell some real estate that really I should have never gotten but at the time (as always) it seemed like the only choice and it seemed that I should take any drastic measure necessary to get it so as I tend to do...I did it. It served a great purpose and I love the property but the rest of my family does not and it is too much money for just me so it needs to go. When I want something I want it done NOW so the process of selling is a pain and makes me irrationally desperate to make it happen NOW. This is what I do...I get this desperate feeling, this urgency to make things happen because they seem so right. The reality is this...I can't make anything happen. I have to surrender this need. Surrender...I recall reading about shame and the book had an exercise about describing shame with a word...the word surrender immediately popped in my head and the enormity of it made me cry at the time. Yet that is it....surrender...let go...let it be. <br />
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I keep working at it and it shall happen or it shall improve anyway. I am breathing more calmly now and don't feel like bursting into tears, it really does help to get it out of my head. My head is crazy making. My brain takes normal issues and makes them huge and unbearable. Surrender. I am sober and I am healthy and those things in addition to my family are all that matter. This too shall pass.<br />
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Surrender<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-21715178089033573182014-06-28T21:35:00.000-07:002014-07-04T08:41:33.263-07:00Well finallyAcceptance 2014- in June. I had such intentions of writing more, tracking my thoughts and moods and progress but alas life got in the way. So many good things now so I'm ok with that but want to be grateful and careful and not let my flaws get in the way. Compared to the last few years 2014 is a miracle, a life safer, a pure gift from God, not perfect but oh so much better indeed. <br />
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Relationships are being repaired the main one being my marriage. That thing that was broken, oh so broken is now more like stained glass. It is broken but being pieced back together. It is a miracle. I give in, he gives in and we meet in the middle. I don't want to be broken and cut by shards of my life. Some of these shards I cannot control but others I have limited control over. Again with my control? Damn- I need to stop with the control. I control me and only me, I cannot and do not even deserve the right to make choices for other adults. The fact is this: I can agree or disagree with what they do and it doesn't matter. People do what they do due to who they are at that point in time. It never was and never will be about me. Choices sure can impact my life though but it's my job to stop that from happening.<br />
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I am happy and so blessed. I struggle at times to stay positive and to live sober and happy and taking care of only me. I don't rock at that :) Something's I totally rock- taking care of me is a work in progress. So I run, I meditate, I do yoga, I strive to find my passion in things and I work on those. I still do too much and don't allow myself down time...all me...no one else makes this my reality. So this means no one else can change it. <br />
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On sobriety- almost 4 years since I have had a drink. My drug of choice. Words cannot accurately describe how wonderful that feels. I have more to work on. I still over work big time, I still self medicate with better stuff but substances none the less, I must protect my sobriety at all costs, trust the process and things will fall into place. I want to help people stay sober now but at a loss as to how. I never completed AA and the steps, never did anything other than stop the drinking So how to help others? I'm thinking on that one. Please help me with ideas? Please? <br />
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I hope 2014 is the best year ever so far for you.<br />
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hugs and kisses and much love<br />
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BE BETTER<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-49772662374715477822014-01-21T19:11:00.001-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.266-07:00Imperfectly humanAcceptance 2014- a dear friend said this to me not even knowing that acceptance is my word/theme of the year. "Acceptance, not control, is the key to happiness". Wow so very true and so very fitting for me now. <br />
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I am learning to accept and to listen to me, my mind, my body, what do I want? It isn't always easy or even possible but oh how I love that I am working on it. I am working to mend some very special bonds in my life. It is my hope and prayer that things will work out in the way I would like but if they don't, I will be ok. The end results depend on change in others and this is something I have no control over. What will happen will happen and it is not my choice other than my contribution to the situation. My decisions must be made to identify what is best for me and my darling baby girl and the rest is out of my hands. This effort to mend the broken bonds comes as a surprise to me, I didn't think that I would go there, but I am and it feels right. Will my efforts make the entire situation ok? Nope, but my ability to be open and to accept what is will make it ok no matter the outcome. Accept that myself and others are human and therefore imperfect. Perfectly imperfect...forgiveness, acceptance, being open to the possibility of change...all what I need to focus on.<br />
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Live, Love and Accept<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-65436999280494182802014-01-14T20:00:00.001-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.269-07:00I can do what I want toAcceptance 2014<br />
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I accept my that some days my grief overwhelms me and it is hard to do anything but breathe and cry. I accept that some days are better than that and am grateful for those days. <br />
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My baby is healthy and I can clothe, feed and provide shelter for her...that is all that matters but it is tough to remember that some days when the waves of sadness wash over me and threaten to drown me in grief. Then something reminds me, someone reminds me that it is ok and it will all work out. I am lucky in so very many ways. <br />
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I am striving to learn that I can do what I want to. I get to make the choices in my life of who, what, when and where things happen....to some degree anyway. It is good. God is good and I am grateful that I can stop and remember that. I am making some tough choices right now but know that the right ones will find me because God will show me where to go and how to get there but I have to seek those answers and I am.<br />
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I asked someone dear to me to start attending church with me. This could be a very big step in mending some very broken bonds...I pray for the courage to know it will all work out how it should even if it isn't how I want.<br />
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Thank you God for hope.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-45649082357933218752014-01-08T09:12:00.002-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.262-07:00Coffee for Your Heart“<strong>What encouraging words do you want the people you care about to hear as they begin a new year?” </strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>A part of my goal for this year is to step out of my comfort zone and to connect with real people so I am doing that right now. I'm doing the link up with Holley Gerth who is an amazing cool person and I haven't even met her! She is a great author and I follow her blog. So this is the first link up of the year and here I go.</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
“<strong>What encouraging words do you want the people you care about to hear as they begin a new year?” </strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>I want us all to hear you can do it, you are accepted, you are loved, you can make positive changes. You are enough...live your life with light and love and you will be ok. Life isn't always easy but it is always beautiful. Sometimes it a beautiful mess and I want everyone to know that YOU are somewhere in that beautiful mess and YOU are beautiful too. We are all different and how wonderful is that? If we were all alike it would be no fun. You do not have to be "the same" to feel love and give love. You are love...those are the most important words that I want people to hear as we being this new year. Thank you Holley Gerth!</strong><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-33249334723260899282014-01-06T18:03:00.000-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.255-07:00Finally 2014Acceptance 2014- Funny this is my title and this is the first entry in 2014 :). To be honest I tried to write a post one evening and couldn't log on and so I gave up. Here I am again....2014....I waited and waited for this year. It is here and so am I and nothing is really different. Of course not, it wasn't like I expected miraculous immediate changes but there is a happy in the calendar actually changing. Surviving the last year is done and I will never have to do that again. There will be other trials but those are over. I watched as my family fell apart in so very many ways. As soon as I typed those words my eyes filled with tears and one slid down my left cheek because to say that or type it or express it in any way makes my heart break. It is the truth though, my family of origin watched my father grow very ill and die surrounded by all of us- to have had the experience of watching a death was not something I really ever considered that I would do. However as my father grew more and more sick I knew I needed to be there. It is a strange process in which time stands still and yet it is over before you know it. They give you the books with the signs to watch for and with my father it certainly followed the outline so that on the final day it was pretty apparent that was it. It was time for him to go. He is at peace. My mother who took care of him day in and day out for over a year is trying to get her life back and it appears she is doing ok. Other family members I worry about much more because of a history of depression, substance abuse and suicide attempts. This is one of those <br />"I am learning to let go of" things because I cannot make it ok. What will happen will happen. <br />
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My marriage- fell apart like broken glass that cuts as it falls. My fault, his fault, our fault....certainly not our child's fault. Yet she is the one who has to go back and forth. This thing I said I would never do, I am doing. I chose it for various reasons. I question those on a daily basis, is it, was it the right thing to do? The final straw, the I'm done? I don't know. I don't know. I know it was not ok and I don't think it could have become ok. The relationship was filled with lies and half truths and not much honesty about how we really felt. The excuses, the change this, no change that and it will be ok just did not make it ok. Of course I am at fault and of course he is at fault. How to proceed? I don't know. So it is day by day...one day at a time. FYI anyone reading this please know that my grammar is terrible and I don't really care. This is for me and I hope and think it is not attached to my real name but if it is it is because this is all my truth and my story. <br />
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My income and my self esteem is very career based and that has been cut in half. I struggle with how to handle it. My instinct says work more but in doing that I am not giving 100% to my child and that is not ok. So we handle it another way....cuts here and there and save money. No need to shop for clothes etc, I don't need anything but it hurts to not be able to. It feels good to be there for my child though. My esteem needs to be based in ME and who I am not what I do. This is tough for me because I don't know who the hell I really am. I am sober and grateful and have committed but not really gotten into working AA and the 12 steps. Today was my last good "excuse" it's back to school tomorrow so no more "legit" reason to put off the work on me. Oh how scary that is because what if I don't like me anymore? What if I put myself out there and other people don't like me? It matters but it doesn't at the same time. I matter and I have to do this. I have time and have to use it to work on me. Exercise, eat healthy, write, read, express with art and pictures, work the steps with a sponsor...these are the things that I GET to do starting tomorrow. I have started to some degree...some writing here and in a journal, some photos and a new found passion for Instagram, have been eating pretty good. Tomorrow is it though. Up at five for coffee and mediation and no computer. No computer or email or fb until my child is at school and I have worked out. This actually JUST came to me. While less technology has been a consideration it wasn't until just now that this came out and I realized that I need that. Whoa it will be tough because is it such a habit. If I wake up in the middle of the night at times I will check my email and FB. Really? Am I so important that someone must give me info that I must see before daylight or will a message or post on FB be so important that I can't wait? Of course not it is just habit and it is a habit to break. So there...I said it and I will do it. Possibly some exercise before my daughter wakes up, get us ready, get her to school and then exercise for me. Some things are just going to happen. New gym in town that I signed up for in December but due to money was not going to follow through with. I forgot that I apparently signed up and gave my bank info for the auto withdrawal but there it was in my bank account- 3 months. I guess I need to be there and the women who are starting it are amazing and this will be a good thing for me. It's paid for got to use it now :) Then home for some computer time and computer work and I need to get myself to an AA meeting at 12. That will get me started. I have to remember the no computer before school and exercise- good way to start my day being present. Time for some reading now. Good night all.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-33665795069777035002013-12-30T16:07:00.000-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.257-07:00When you don't like what you haveAcceptance 2014...accepting what is even when you don't like it. I will be honest and admit that I don't like much right now. There is a great deal of chaos and stress in my life and I lean towards the anxious side anyway. Actually I don't lean that way I am right in the middle of anxious avenue. It is not a fun place to be and I have learned ways to control it and it is much better than it has been in the past. I don't go to the ER anymore convinced I am having a heart attack, don't go from doc to doc to make sure I don't have any health problems and don't freak out on bridges or on roads with construction that make me feel like I am going to bounce back and forth like in a video game. What I do is try to control everything and that includes other people. It is in no way because I think I am better than them or that I know the right way to do it but it is simply the fact that if I "control" something then the outcome is of my own doing and at least I can own it. Hmmm.....not making much sense but that is what it feels like. If I say "don't let the cat out" 20 times to someone who already knows not to but somehow the cat gets out then I do not blame them but I also feel better about myself because I did everything I could to stop it from happening. In reality if it's going to happen then it's going to happen but that "what if" I could have done this or that and stopped it is crazy making for me and in return the people around me. <br />
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Crazy making is what my life feels like right now. My intent is for this blog to remain anonymous but it may somehow be connected to my real name and that is ok if it is. The last two years have been fraught with disaster or it feels that way to me. People are tired of hearing about it and I don't blame them. I got a great deal of "wow- you are so strong" for a long time and that is nice and I am strong but I am human. I am now "feeling" what I am feeling and I get a great deal of "it could be worse" or "it's ok to grieve but be strong, don't drown in this". To be frank this is not in the least bit helpful to me. Yes, it could be worse. It could also be better. Yes, I know it will get better and that I will figure things out but if you don't have anything better to say than "oh it's not that bad" or "be grateful for what you have" then at this point I would rather you didn't say anything. Perhaps that is mean and bitter and feels a bit so as I type it but it's what I feel. In my life it is always my intent to be independent and take care of things and I will but sometimes those things suck and it isn't fun.<br />
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Hence we are at this blog. Acceptance- accept it even if you don't like it. Reality is reality and the only constant is change. This blog and some other concentrated efforts I am making to feel better are going to help but today not so much. Today I don't like it- it being how my life is. I will be ok but I am not ok right now and that is ok.<br />
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Tomorrow is a new day.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-3809938268596061492013-12-29T04:55:00.000-08:002014-07-04T08:35:14.259-07:00Why wait till 2014? I am starting nowGood morning to everyone. <br />
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As a part of my commitment to accept and create me out of what comes I am going to focus on gratitude. Gratitude - sounds good, sounds easy enough but how often do I (we) focus on the bad rather than the good? Bad stands out, our brains are hardwired to see the bad to protect us except that we no longer have the dangers that we once did as humans. We live in a society where we don't have to run from wild animals or kill for food as humans have in the past, yet we still focus on the bad, the not quite right stuff in our lives. Some is worthy of focus- I have to think about the events of the past few years in order to work through them and to create a new way of being. I don't have to make that my sole focus. A step in that direction is that I am going to create a gratitude list daily I may do that here, I may do that on my Facebook page or perhaps in the old fashioned paper journal I am going to keep. Today it will be here. <br />
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I am grateful for:<br />
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my healthy child<br />
my own health<br />
tough choices because it means I HAVE choices<br />
time to just be and to reflect<br />
the steps I have taken on this journey to me<br />
my family<br />
my God<br />
my friends that are sometimes just family too<br />
the ability to exercise and create<br />
my home<br />
courage to make my life what I need for myself and my daughter<br />
the choice to no longer enable others<br />
the choice to learn and work on me<br />
this day- that I awoke and can get on my computer in my safe home and make a gratitude list<br />
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What are you grateful for? My intention is to remember this list throughout my day and live in gratitude rather than fear. My intention is to use my time wisely and really, really live and not just exist. <br />
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Acceptance 2014<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3279014143338898498.post-49277442991124298622013-12-28T19:21:00.000-08:002014-07-04T08:34:57.184-07:00Accept what happens and create me out of itAcceptance 2014<br />
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This is my goal for 2014...acceptance. Accept what happens and create me out of it. The last 2 years have been a total disaster. There have been so many big and small things that have happened that I have almost become numb. Almost, the rest of the time I am anxious and afraid and question everything I do. I am starting fresh with a new year and though I don't expect miracles I do expect goodness.<br />
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This will be my year for stepping out of my comfort zone. A recovering alcoholic who will finally work AA, find a sponsor and work the steps. Taking an online art journal course (I am not an artist or really even that creative). Make choices for me that line up with my beliefs and my values regardless of what others may think. Ready for the big one? Stop enabling other adults by being bossy, overbearing and a very classic case of co dependence. Why would I know what is best for others, I barely know what is good for me. I have spent my entire adulthood trying to "fix" other people, it doesn't work. What works is working on me and that is what I am going to do.<br />
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For years my New Year's Resolutions were to quit drinking and quit smoking and by the Grace of God I have been clean for over 3 years. Clean, dry, not really living wholeheartedly and authentically and this is what I strive for. Wholeheartedness and authenticity- tough to accomplish when you don't know who you are or what you really want. <br />
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I will journal or blog here daily, I will create with art and photographs to capture more moments, I will say yes to what I want to do and no to that which I do not. I will make decisions for myself and my child and trust that I will know what the best ones are. I will exercise and eat healthy, I will connect with others, I will encourage others and I will allow others to encourage me. I will ask for and accept help when I need it. I will need it.<br />
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December 28, 2013 I make this commitment to myself. I will keep it. This will be my year of acceptance, Grace and love. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0